Sunday, January 3, 2016

Always There

There are no words for all you’ve done for me.
No amount of gratitude will ever match your kindness.
In times of need you’ve never wavered.
My struggles are burdens you willingly shouldered.
Through all this weight, you never once complained.
I have always lived in doubt. In fear of what’s to come.
But no matter how bleak my life seemed,
You challenged me to strive, to overcome myself.
It is not over. The battles in my mind may never cease.
There are times when the darkness breaks me.
When I stare into the void and only silence answers.
When hiding under the blanket fails to comfort me.
But there you are. The same as when I was a child.
I call and you come to save me. To reassure me I'm alright.
You are the hallway light that’s always on;
The cracked door that reminds me I am not alone.
It isn’t the boogeyman that I hide from now,
But the monsters that we carry within our minds.
They masquerade inside of our thoughts,
Show us our desires and wants, our hopes and dreams.
And then force us to stand in front of a mirror.
They break us down; show us the bottom of our own reality.
And I will admit. There are times when I feel broken.
But no matter how many times I fall apart,
Or how much I may hate myself.
I know you’ll be there to pick up the pieces.
It’s selfish of me. That is something I’m aware of.
Getting so much and have nothing to give back.
Know that I will never forget the love you’ve given me.
There's no certainty in what the future holds.
No way of knowing what, or even who, I may be then.
But I can tell you this with absolute certainty.
No matter how far the distance between us,
Or how trivial or serious a situation it might be,
Even if by then, you'd long since given on me.
As you have always done for me,
Should you call, I promise I will answer.

What's on the Inside

flower heart sketch

Gave it a Shot

anime sketch


owl sketch

Imaginary Friends

imaginary friend sketch

Beauty in the Thorn

rose sketch


wolf sketch

Wednesday, July 24, 2013


She breaks her heel in the crack of the sidewalk.She curses God’s name as she stumbles.
Her smeared lipstick draws the eyes’ of strangers.
Some keep staring, most turn away. No one helps.
She throws her shoes into an alley.
It’s too early in the night for her to stop.
Two men call to her from their car.
The stench of alcohol is strong. An easy score.
She charges double for the pair.
One hand always inside her clutch;
The small knife a reminder of her past.
They drop her off, wave and smile.
She fakes one as it starts to rain.
The other girls begin withdrawing.
She raises her arms and embraces the frigid liquid.
The shivers serve to cleanse her.
A man in a suit asks her about her shoes.
She hands him her money and tells him not to worry.
He hands her some back and tells her she needs to look professional.
She takes the money and he grabs her by the hand.
He stares at her, trying to intimidate her.
She stares back. He will never shake her resolve.
Her apartment is small, but clean.
She puts a pot of coffee on and scrambles some eggs.
Her shift at the restaurant starts soon.
She walks into her bedroom and lies down.
A smile crosses her face as the sheets began to rustle.
“Mom, is breakfast ready yet?”

Wishing Well

Unbeknownst to me. I slowly suffered.
Days of bitter solitude, heartless.
A life of calm and question.
A terror compounded not by fear, but want.
Eyes shut, yet always open.
The colors of my world a subtle gray.
Dull, lifeless. A mannequin on display.
That light at the end of the tunnel.
It wasn’t death that stared at me.
But a state of mind expanding slowly out of reach.
What is fear if not a sense of understanding.
The sudden realization that though I was surrounded, I was alone.
And as I fell into the wishing well, I gazed up towards the sky.
Farther and farther I fell. The darkness consuming my soul.
Yet still, the sky could reach me.
A glimmer of light refusing to let go.
Like the hand of God, that saw in me something I could not.
I longed for it to reach me.
To pull me from this void.
There was no water at the bottom.
No dirt, no stone. Only emptiness.
But that light, I could still see it.
A flickering of hope still burning as eternity began to pass.
A hole in time had left me unaware.
But still I clung to that light.
It penetrated me. Stole my thoughts away.
Until nothing else remained.
And then it happened. The light began to fade.
And in me something changed.
As the light had done for me, I refused to let it go.
The thought of losing myself drove me to crawl and scrape towards that light.
It couldn’t end like this.
Instead of worrying about my sorrow, I focused on what still could be.
There is always something more.
There is always someone waiting.
And so I struggled towards that light.
The waning crescent more terrifying than anything I had ever known.
It closed before I reached it.
A veil of purest black shrouded me.
Although my sight was gone, I continued to climb.
The cold stone burning deep into my thoughts.
I banged at the top. It could not end like this.
I knew there was more.
I had finally realized that happiness was possible.
Giving up was no longer an option.
And then a light of brilliant colors I had never know poured into my well.
And a hand reached down for me.
A savior to pull me from my hell.
She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.
She did not speak a word.
Her smile devoured me.
A warm embrace I had never felt before.
God sent an angel to save me from this lonely world.
God sent me you.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Torn Apart

And what was whole was torn apart,
To lead us to a brand new start,
We made mistakes, we played the field,
But I'm you sword, and you my shield,
No amount of loveless sex,
Compares to ours and what comes next,
For ours is true, this bond we share,
The right to love is ours to bear,
Forget the ones that question us,
Our families, friends, and those we trust,
It sounds cliche, but they don't know,
And if they do, they'll hate us more,
What is lost, is often found,
A destiny to which we're bound,
My heart is yours, you have control,
To lose you now would crush my soul,
I trust in you, and you in me,
The past is done, but we're still free,
The jealousy I often felt,
I lost that game, but new hands were dealt,
I don't know how, but it's all gone,
My trust has never been so strong,
The boys you had, they hold no meaning,
And it's this fact that stopped the bleeding,
They often say you come back stronger,
And now I know you'll never wander,
Because you know that I'm the one,
I beat the others, yes I've won,
An autumn moon is what you are,
More beautiful than any star,
But I'm the one who makes you glow,
No other boy can, and this we know,
For I'm the sun, the gentle heat,
Your heart feels me in every beat,
And so I say we start again,
Do not forget the times we sinned,
Mistakes are there to teach us lessons,
And we have made our last confessions,
The only thing left for us to do,
Is for you to love me, and I to love you

A Single Glance


           A single glance;
The necessary criteria for determining false truth.
Most are blind; their vision consumed by ignorance.
Amenable blending has decayed their sense of ‘self.’
Happiness has become a manufactured product;
Abnegation serves as currency when they purchase it.
A controlled media distorts the reality they accept;
Appearance, emotion, lifestyle --they decide nothing.
Society exiles all those without its ideology.
Created laws and social taboos succeed in restricting us.
Individuality has been repressed into oblivion;
Non-conformist has become a derogatory label.
Roving dolls masquerade as life’s necessity.
Those not made of plastic are told to live in misery;
Rapture visits those with self-discarded ego.
            A single glance;
The necessary criteria for determining real truth.
Few have sight; their vision consumed with avidity.
Amenable blending has revealed their sense of ‘self.’
Happiness has become their manufactured product.
Abnegation holds no worth when they purchase it.
A controlled media distorts the reality they refuse;
Appearance, emotion, lifestyle --they decide everything.
Society needs all those without its ideology.
Created laws and social taboos fail in restricting us.
Individuality has been expressed into existence.
Non-conformist has become an aspired label.
Roving dolls fall short of life’s necessity.
Those not made of plastic refuse to live in misery;
Rapture visits those with self-discovered ego.

Sting of Love

She calls to you,
her woes intensified by streaming tears.
She had gone down the wrong path.
Your heart, it wanders,
the core beating warm, lucid,
while the outside slowly chills.
To trust her again,
would it be foolish? or wise?
The loving care received accounted for,
you coldly shrug.
This life is but a glimpse of eternity,
And your heart has become ageless.
You’ve felt the sting of love.
You wish to thank her,
but your body won't allow it.
She'll never know how she helped you.
Your final lesson learned.
You cherish all the memories,
whilst letting slip away new opportunity,
because the sting of love is strident,
it need only be felt once,
and now, alone is how you'll stay.


Bleeding chills the soul
it's warm remiss not found
the blade creates the pool
for which the screams resound
the deep red in its smallest bud
we can never be without
for with your life, you're given blood
a sign of binding grout
to cast aside your worldly soul
your blood it must be drained
spill it out unto your bowl
and pray you won't be chained



This world is superficial; an endless collection of subservient standards.
There is no self-image, only those generated by the media.
Individuality is repressed through monotonous practices.
'Real life' is a myth; fairy tales preached by those that strip it from us.
We all live a life set in stone by those that created us.
We are products, statistics, components taken at face value, not people.
We, the ignorant masses, are the source of governmental control.
The only way to reclaim 'our' stolen humanity is too abandon everything
that they have forced upon us and start anew.
Anarchy is not what 'they' make it seem. Lawlessness, destruction, chaos.
These are the repercussions for such acts force fed to us throughout our lives;
the idea that we cannot live without them, and so they,
in order to maintain their hold, make us fear the thought of deserting them.
Anarchy, however, is something far more complex.
It is the belief that human beings can live without need of a ruler,
without the protection of some falsified ego.
It is abandonment, the act of discarding everything we know,
repentance, the idea of forgiving ourselves for the atrocities committed against the very nature of our being, enlightenment, the process of understanding and accepting that we are who we are,
and that 'they,' or anyone else, cannot control us.
Anarchy is the key to self-discovery;
it is the inspiration for mankind to return to glory.
Anarchy is salvation.


Mankind has long since attempted to define humanity. The reason for existence. And yet, few have truly grasped its meaning.

We are here to endure. We are here.. to know pain.

Pain is a most intricate of binary oppositions. A necessity that connects our physical and psychological states. The culmination of our senses and our minds. Pain is logic.

There is no joy without pain. There is no pleasure without pain. It embodies our every expression. Envokes our every response. Pain ls feeling.

There is no individuality without pain. Repercussions dictate the choices one makes. It is pain that makes us different. Pain is unique.

Mankind strives to free itself from the shackles of pain. We attempt to avoid and control it. Limit its effects and power. But it is this pain that defines our actions. Pain is guidance.

Pain opens ones eyes to the world around them. Blissful ignorance is a truly horrible thing. Pain grants you wisdom and peace. Pain is clarity.

To never know pain, is to never live at all. A meaningless existence contrived of a series of inadvertently dull and simplistic actions. Pain is essence.

Is it difficult to understand that without pain our species would have no purpose? A world without desires, is a world where nothing changes. Pain is meaning.

Pain is succeeding despite all odds It is the foundation of strength. The belief that anything is possible. Pain is hope.

Pain embodies wars, plagues, and disasters. But it is this pain that leads us to unify. To strive and hope for better tomorrows. To change and overcome. Pain is growth.

Pain is empathy and understanding. It is knowledge and improvement.
It is not the thought of being happy that drives us. It is the fear of pain.
It is not the thought of being injured that keeps us safe. It is the pain that comes with it. Pain is thought.

Pain is ethics. It is morals. It is the cliche of do unto others. It is why we give. It is why we help those in need.  The reason we give back. Pain is charity.

While physical pain can divert us from poor judgements, it is emotional pain that truly embodies and controls this world. The pain we feel when we see wrongs. The reason for law and social order. Pain is justice.

What is companionship without pain? It is the reason we long for others. Without heartache, the world would never know attraction. It would never know warmth and comfort. Pain is love.

Without pain's touch nothing is special. No meaning in a sunset. No lyrics in a song. A smile void of sincerity. Pain is beauty.

Pain is the answer to monotony. It is the cure to madness. The soundness of our reason. Our very state of mind. Pain is sanity.

Every individual feels pain. It is an unavoidable constant that lives within us all. While it is sometimes masked, it dwells inside us all. We are all acquainted. Pain is equality.

Pain does not play favorites. While some are more affected by it, it is there for all to know. The rules it follows never waver. You must learn to cope. Pain is fair.

Pain protects those who cannot protect themselves. It does not bow in the face of tyranny. Militias and petitions are composed from pain. Pain is courage.

Evil uses pain to manipulate us. But pain uses us to manipulate evil. It is the reason good triumphs. Pain is righteous.

Pain controls and distributes all resources. The driving force of our economies. It is trade itself. Pain is wealth.

Pain created a higher power. It is why billions believe in religion. It is the acceptance of one's insignificance. Pain is faith.

Pain is our television and internet. Our networks and phone lines. It allows us to delve into fantasy, and stay in touch with reality. Pain is media.

Pain is the reason for civilization. The necessity of governing bodies. The understanding that comes from knowing our place. Pain is society.

It is necessary, pain. The negative that gives meaning to all that is positive. One cannot expect to never feel it. Pain is rational.

There are so few that grasp the meaning of life. So few that truly understand and appreciate our purpose.
But those that do, are witnesses to truth..

We are nothing without pain.